How to Mend Your Broken Heart Quickly
Cure your sadness with these tips
The pain of a broken heart is something that's not easy to forget. Once you've been dumped, and felt the gut-wrenching pain of losing someone you love, it's something that stays with you.
There are ways, however, to heal your broken heart faster and move on with the rest of your life. Because, face it, if he broke up with you, then he's okay with never seeing your face again. And who wants to spend time moping over someone who feels that way about them? And the sooner you move on, then the sooner you can find that person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.
Our relationship experts share their best tips on how to heal - faster - from a breakup.
Allow yourself to feel sad
“It is possible to heal a broken heart,” said Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and Shrink Wrap media commentator. “After allowing yourself to feel sad for a week or so, it's important to push yourself up and out into plans and activities. You want to give yourself the opportunity to focus your thoughts and energy in a new direction that will engage you mentally and emotionally, and will help you heal faster. Taking dance lessons, signing up for a cooking class, going to the spa with your friends, etc., these are all examples of staying involved, which will help you move into a new emotional place.”
Going ahead and feeling miserable for a short while is the best way to heal, said Tina Gilbertson, a Portland, Ore.-based psychotherapist and author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them.
“Cry it out. Don't force yourself to move on before you're done grieving. Take an entire weekend if you can, to just mope around and nurse your broken heart. The more room you give yourself to feel what you're feeling, the sooner you'll be on the other side of the pain and able to move on with a clean slate,” Gilbertson said.
The grieving process
There is no question that how a person copes with a loss can impact the severity and length of grieving, said Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach.
Here are some Coleman's best tips for handling the grieving process in order to move through it and get to the other side in as little time as with as little fall-out as possible:
- After a brief period of venting and expressing negative feelings (anger is the second stage of grief after denial), begin redirecting any negative thoughts. By this I mean, pause and
redirect the negative thoughts or words to something more useful/positive/productive. For instance “my life is over without him” can become “I will move on and find someone who is really right for me, which he wasn’t.”
-
Don’t spend too much time alone. Going out with friends/family who are fun and make you laugh, is a great distraction and stress reducer. It also helps you to realize that there is life after this person/relationship and you can laugh and feel happy again.
AVOID excessive use of alcohol, junk food or anything that leads to depression (alcohol), poor sleep (both), and overall low energy, not feeling well, etc.
Work out daily. This can be anything from long walks, walks around a track, working out on machines, swimming laps, etc. Studies show that exercise greatly reduces depression and stress—as it burns up excess adrenaline and produces endorphins (feel good chemicals).
Avoid indulging in “fixes” that will only leave you feeling worse—one-night stands, sleeping with your best friend, sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend, etc. These behaviors often result from feelings of low self-esteem and ironically, lead to a greater sense of self-disgust.
Throw yourself into overdue projects, deep cleaning and organizing, and/or a passion you have put-off or not felt you had time for due to the relationship. Meaningful work and play will help jump start your post-relationship life.
Feeling whole again
The good news is, broken hearts heal, said April Davis, a relationship expert with Cupid's Cronies. “The bad news is, it feels really crappy when you're going through it. Trust me, I've had my fair share of broken hearts and failed relationships. Most of the time, when you're going through a breakup, you just want to be left alone. You're sick of the positive friends telling you everything will be all right. Or the negative friends who are so quick to tell you what a jerk he was.”
Davis shared her best tips for healing from a breakup:
-
Cry as much as you want and get it out.
Delete and block him on Facebook.
Delete all photos on Facebook with him included so that you're not faced with seeing him unexpectedly.
Delete his phone number so you're not tempted to text.
Take up a new hobby. Now is the time to create a new you.
Go out with your girlfriends and expand your social circle.
Know that things will get better.
Remember how awesome you are.
“As hard as it may to believe, this breakup was important. Your past relationships teach you how to find successful future relationships. You may have heard the country song by Rascal Flatts, Bless the Broken Road. It describes the difficulties he went through before meeting his wife. As with you, these difficulties and break ups will each teach you valuable lessons and point you in the right direction to finally meet the right person you're supposed to be with.”
