Lady LUX

Learn to speak up

Speaking up doesn’t come naturally to many women, said Judith Humphrey, author of Taking the Stage - How Women can Speak up, Stand out, and Succeed.

“From an early age, girls are taught to fit in, not to stand out. So when it comes time to express their views in a professional situation, they hesitate to put their hand up, or actively go after a promotion. They often have a nagging inner voice that says, ‘You don’t know your stuff,’ or ‘You could be wrong.’ Women need to take the stage mentally, verbally, vocally and physically to develop confidence in their life. If women don't stand out they won't be outstanding,” Humphrey said.

It’s about making a conscious choice. “When trying to gain more confidence mentally it means you need to make the conscious choice to stand out rather than fit in. It involves adopting ambitious goals, even those that require risk-taking. It means not yielding to the inner crow, which is that negative voice that cackles away in our minds, and it includes courage and determination. Choose to stand up and stand out,” Humphrey said.

Having specific thoughts that help you gain confidence can help, she said. “A script is not only written; it’s also the thoughts you bring together in your head. A good script needs a clear message, proof points, and language that is strong, not riddled with minimizing expressions women often use. We apologize far too much. We ask questions when we know the answers. We use caveats like, ‘I could be wrong, but,’ or, ‘I’m not sure I have all the qualifications.’ We also favor softer verbs like ‘I think’ or ‘I’ll try.’ So take out all those soft words and replace them with stronger ones,” she said.

Unlocking the power of your voice can help as well, she said. “Women often soften their voices, thinking they’ll be liked more. But in the corporate world, those who are admired are the ones who speak forcefully, solve problems and contribute to the ongoing dialogue. That doesn’t come from sweetening your voice. And it certainly doesn’t come from using upspeak, which is lifting your voice at the end of sentences essentially turning a statement into what sounds like a question. Speak with substance, and know that you deserve the spotlight,” Humphrey said.

Create a strong presence as well. “We frequently make ourselves small by folding our bodies by crossing our legs or ankles, folding our arms or hands in front of us, and lowering our head, not to mention compressing ourselves so we take up less than one full chair. Stand confidently and be assertive, not aggressive. Resist going on the attack negatively when called bossy, or pushy. It’s not your fault or problem. Don’t let others make it one. Hold your ground and show them you are someone who needs to be listened to,” she said.