How to Keep Jealousy From Ruining Your Relationship
Don't let the green-eyed monster into your love life
Imagine being at a party, across the room from your significant other, and you spot an attractive woman talking to him and your first thought is, “well, he sure seems to be enjoying that conversation!” If you feel worried that he might cheat on you with her because she’s sexier or more accomplished, or whatever your insecurity is, then you’re experiencing jealousy.
If you say something snippy to him later about how he seemed to be flirting with other women at the party, and you didn’t like it, it can harm your relationship and cause a crack in the foundation. It’s not just the out-of-control jealous rages that can destroy a relationship. The rude little remarks also have a negative impact.
It’s far too easy to let jealousy take control of your emotions. But when it does, it can mean the end of the relationship down the road, unless you take steps to control your emotions. You can manifest your worst fears by constantly worrying about them and talking about them. If you act as if everything is great with your love life, then your man will appreciate it. And even if you have moments of insecurity, eventually you, too, will believe in your love, and with that will come the security that comes with great love that is reciprocated. And no woman across the room can have an impact on that kind of love.
Jealousy is poison
“For a woman, jealousy is definitely poison to a relationship, especially when it's out of control and causes snooping, whether physical or electronic. Here are a few tips to boost your self-esteem and self-confidence and fight off jealousy before it gets too over-the-top,” said Dianne Daniels, CEO of The DivaStyle Coach.
Here are Daniels' tips:
Critically analyze the jealous feeling - is it because you feel the person you're jealous of has something “over” you? Whatever aspect of your appearance you are comparing to them and finding lacking, do something
positive for yourself to help correct that condition. Want to lose a few pounds and get healthier? Start an at-home or gym-based workout. Choose an exercise class that sounds fun, and you'll start building more
self-confidence, thereby lessening the impact of jealousy.
Are you jealous of an emotional connection with your significant other? Your partner has had relationships before yours and will have friendships and other relationships during yours. Don't try to isolate your partner from everyone else. That's a losing battle and could be considered
abusive. Do find other ways to connect with your partner, such as activities you enjoy together, a book you can read to each other, movies, leisure activities, etc. Keep reminding yourself of the connection the two of you
have, and others will seem less important.
Be aware, but don't be paranoid. If you think something improper is happening between your partner and another person, don't let little things become big things. Mention your impressions of significant interactions to
your partner in a non-threatening, non-accusing way. Use “I” statements
instead of blaming with “You” statements and find out where their head and/or their heart lies. Sometimes your instincts will tell you something is going on before you see real evidence, but even our instincts can be wrong. Don't turn every interaction with your partner into shaming, blaming or an argument. That will prove to be the kiss of death for your relationship.
Understand why you're jealous
Dawn Reid, a relationship expert and the owner of Reid Ready Coaching, suggested, “Try to understand why you are jealous. What is the trigger? Are you carrying fear and insecurity from a past relationship? Is it your own insecurity or is your mate actually creating a situation that is trigger jealousy for you (e.g., conveying how people find him attractive, excessive flirting, talking about other women in front of you, telling you how you should be more like someone else). Once you can identify the
reason for your jealousy you are better able to address it.”
Reid said that being jealous doesn't do anything positive for your relationship. “Understand that being jealous does not help you or your relationship. Even if you feel you have just cause to be jealous, letting this toxic emotion control you will only serve to make you feel worse in the end. Additionally, it can ruin your relationship. Remember, the feeling or emotion of jealousy is yours so you have to manage it, not let it manage you.”
A good step to take is to talk to a close friend about your feelings. Oftentimes, it's easy to get an objective opinion from a friend who can see things more clearly, Reid said.
Also, don't forget to talk to your partner. There's a good chance that he doesn't realize his actions are making you uneasy. Or perhaps they like making you feel insecure. Bring the matter to your mate's attention, Reid said, at a moment when you're not feeling a jealous rage. Your partner's response will give you information so that you can decide what your next step will be.
Finally, consider counseling if your jealousy is uncontrollable. There might be deeper reasons for your jealous emotions and you may need to address insecurities that have nothing to do with your relationship, Reid said.