15 Surefire Ways to Destroy a Second Date
Avoid these common mistakes
You’ve carefully navigated the rough waters of a first date, and made it to the second date. This is the time that many people mistakenly let their hair down, so to speak, and either drink too much, or say too much, or both.
Here are 15 things to not do on a second date, if you want to make it to date #3. But hey, if you’re not into him, it can also serve as a list of what you should do, if you want to run him off by channeling Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Keep in mind that these are solid tips for any date, whether the first or the fifth. And they work for men as well as women.
Watch what you say
- Don't talk too much. When you spend an entire date chattering away, it can be a turn off. You may not even realize you're doing it — especially if you're nervous. Don't fear silence. Remember, you have to give your date an opportunity to speak.
- Don't talk about yourself too much. Sure, it's important to share things about yourself with your date. But if the entire conversation resolves around you, your date will feel like you have no interest in him. And that probably won't get you a second date.
- Don't interrogate your date. It's important to show curiosity about the person you're with. A great way to do that is to ask casual questions. Ask your date about his interests, where he grew up, what he thinks of the neighborhood or the venue in which your date is taking place. Do not ask questions that are not your business, such as, how much money he makes, what kind of credit score he has or why his last relationship ended. Interrogation is scary, not sexy.
- Don't overshare. Although the goal of early dates is to give two people an opportunity to get to know each other, there is a thing as too much. Don't discuss your family issues, childhood traumas or adult phobias. Save those things for later, when you've had time to connect on a deeper level. Unloading all of that on a stranger can be very overwhelming and not attractive.
- Don't talk about your ex. This should be a no-brainer, yet people do it all the time. The last thing a hopeful person wants is for their date to babble on about someone else. If you spend your date talking about your ex, you are not ready to date. Try again when you are.
- Don't play with your phone. Checking your phone while on a date shows a blatant lack of consideration for the person you're with. It's rude. If you have any desire to see him again, put your phone away. Do not leave it sitting on the table.
- Don't be rude to the people around you. Whether at a restaurant or a bowling alley, be kind to the people who work there. Smile, say, “Please” and “thank you.” Remember, you are making a first impression. Make it a good one.
- Don't ask what he thinks of you. Do not ask questions like, “How am I doing?” or “Do you like me?” They will make you seem insecure and desperate. Plus, you'll make your date super uncomfortable. If you're feeling insecure, fake it 'til you make it.
- Don’t drink too much alcohol. You could say and do things that you will regret the next day. You’re still making a first impression, even on a second date, and you don’t want him to think you’re a lush.
- Don’t insist on paying for the date if he asked you out. Offer to pick up a tip or pay for popcorn at a movie. Too much fuss over paying your own way can be a big turn off.
- Avoid being negative. This includes comments about your lousy boss, crazy mother, horrible ex, how life is so unfair to you, etc. It’s an early date — share the good stuff, be upbeat, and leave drama queen at home.
- Don’t complain about dating, online dating, dating experiences and men. Complaints of any kind won't make a good first impression. But complaints about dating make you look hard to please or unwanted men hear complaints about men as if you are criticizing them. Don't do it.
- Don’t be late, it says that his time is not that important and that you are rude. If it’s unavoidable, make sure you call him — texting isn’t good enough — and tell him that an emergency has occurred and exactly when you will show up for the date.
- Don't mention an upcoming event like a wedding. Implying too early on that you're looking for a date to a major event like a wedding can freak a guy out. It puts too much pressure on making things work before the event and you don't want to make a guy feel used.
- Don't stalk him on the internet before the date. A person's view of their date can be skewed if they gain information about him beforehand. You may think he's perfect and then ignore red flags because of the image of him you've built up in your head. Also, it can affect the flow of conversation because you need to hide that you already know some things about him even though he hasn't told you yet.
Sources: Suzanne Casamento, author of Dare to Date and the creator of Fantasy Dating; Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC psychotherapist and relationship coach; Anita A. Chlipala, a dating and relationship expert and owner of Relationship Reality 312; and Ronnie Ann Ryan, a dating coach and author of MANifesting Mr. Right.