13 Red Flags And The Commitment-Phobic Men Who Wave Them
Don’t expect him to change
Sometimes when you’re dating, particularly in the early stages, there are red flags that start flapping even on non-windy days. When these red flags appear, it’s to your advantage to immediately put the brakes on the relationship. Don’t wait for him to change, or to improve the problem. If you see a red flag on the first or second date, then that means it’s just the tip of the iceberg. If you spot it later on, then don’t accept it just because you’ve already invested a few months (or years) in the relationship. It’s always easier to leave now than later, however long you’ve been dating.
Here are early red flags to look out for when you begin dating a new man, according to our relationship experts.
Danger ahead with these red flags
- He seems to compartmentalize his life. If you have not met his family and friends after a couple of months, he's just not that into you. Men who are committed want to show you off the moment they are in love and see you as part of even the near future.
- You have doubts and you are not an insecure person by nature. This is your gut, listen to it. If your spidey senses are tingling, heed the warning. Life's too short for people who are unavailable regardless of the reasons.
- He's a big flirt. This is a sign of insecurity that he needs feedback from members of the opposite sex to feel like he is enough. In all likelihood when he tires of your attention he will move on to someone else. There’s benign flirting and then there's flirting that is diminishing to a partner. You will know the difference, if you’re nauseated witnessing it, time to let go. You will handle the break up far more powerfully when you choose it.
- A good indication of future heartbreak can be if you had to work to get that person to commit. If you find yourself chasing someone, it might be time to ask yourself “why is it that they don't want to get caught?”
- His behavior/attitude clearly demonstrates that he is not over his ex/past relationship.
- He is inconsistent when he talks about where he hopes your relationship is going.
- You have had more than one breakup and reconciliation due to a recurring issue/disagreement.
- He is secretive about the time he spends away from you with friends/family/co-workers
- He’s excessively charming with ingratiating behavior. This is the abuser’s way of seducing you to trust him before he acts out his abuse toward you.
- The silent treatment functions to keep the receiver in suspense of what will happen, and unsure of what they did wrong, and how bad it is. It is a way of controlling the other person as a precursor to abuse. If he uses this technique, ditch him.
- He expects you to read his mind. This means the person acts unhappy until others guess what they want. This controlling behavior locks the other person out and raises their anxiety feeling like a failure for not guessing correctly.
- Constantly correcting you. He disputes or correct you on points irrelevant to the main point being discussed. The constant correcting keeps him on top.
- Lying. You can never be sure if they are forthcoming with the whole truth.
Sources: Robin H-C, author of Life's in Session; Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC
psychotherapist and relationship coach; Brenden Dilley, celebrity life and relationship coach and author of Still Breathin': The Wisdom & Teachings of a Perfectly Flawed Man; Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent, and co-starring on 'Sex Box' on WE tv.
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