What Men Fear About Marriage
Find out what scares men most about commitment
Many men have secret fears about marriage. They want to be loved, but they’re afraid to be tied to the same person for the rest of their lives and many also fear losing their identities. Or perhaps they were subject to poor role models from their own parents. Whatever the reason, there are many issues that some men have to face before they can settle down with a woman.
Knowledge is power, so find out from relationship experts what most men fear most about marriage, and what you can do to ease their fears.
Trust issues are rampant
Most men who fear marriage have basic trust issues, said Dr. Fran Walfish, psychotherapist, author and expert panelist on “Sex Box”, which will premiere on WE TV early next year.
Walfish said, “Most of us had limited to poor models for healthy relationships in our own parents' quality of relating. Today, the divorce rate is over 50% in America, the highest ever. People fear getting married and ending up embroiled in a divorce war. Many men are afraid of being taken for their money. If a man had a passive father he may fear losing his identity in the marriage. If his mother was highly critical of his father he may fear becoming the target of verbal attacks. There are many family dynamics that emerge when a man is faced with marriage.”
Men’s greatest fears
There are several fears that many men experience, according to Judith Claire and Frank Wiegers, who are relationship therapists based in Los Angeles:
- One of the biggest fears that we see in prospective grooms is that they will only be able to have sex with one woman for the rest of their lives. It really haunts them. They're not sure they want to or can do it.
- Men can be afraid they will lose their freedom to live life on their terms. They might not want to give up activities they do, or the control they have to decide how to spend their time.
- Men can think their woman is too demanding and that they will never be able to satisfy her many needs.
- Alpha males want to be in control. Maybe the woman wants a more collaborative relationship, and the guy doesn't want to give up making the decisions and doing things his way.
- Women are emotional creatures. Men may not feel capable of understanding or dealing with their partners' reactions and changing moods.
- Men might be afraid of additional financial pressures, especially if they are going to have kids.
- Some men may not want kids, but feel pressured to have them by their mates.
More fears and what to do
Dr. Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist and author of “Bad Boys and Bad Girls,” shared the top fears she sees in men both through her clinical practice and the 100-plus men she interviewed for her book:
- The woman only wants them for their money. You can overcome this fear by having career ambitions of your own, by sharing some of the expenses of dating, and by subtly indicating that you would be willing to have a prenuptial agreement.
- The woman they are dating is only putting on an act and, after marriage, she will let herself go and turn into an ugly shrew. You can overcome this fear by not taking him for granted and allowing your beauty regimen to slip while you're dating. Stay fit, pretty and sweet. Don't let him see you in unattractive states, such as sitting on the toilet.
- He is making a mistake in settling for this woman, when a better woman might still come along. Make sure you're always at your best, so that he'll realize it's highly unlikely that there will be a better woman than you - or at least not one who will love him.
It’s too easy to let the romance slip away in a relationship. Do your part to maintain the mystery and the intrigue, and don’t take your man for granted. This will go a long way toward alleviating his fears about marriage and making him realize that the best life he could have would be one with you.
