Lady LUX

Whether it’s online dating, speed dating or a good old-fashioned blind date, there’s one thing everyone agrees on. You want to ace your first date and get asked out on a second date.

Wait, some women might say, “But I don’t want a second date with him!” Well, that’s fine, and is often the case with a first date. Remember - whether or not you accept that second date is up to you, but the key to successful dating is to be your best self, so that the choice of a second date is firmly in your court, not his. And you want to practice being your best self on every date, not just on the dates where the guy shows up looking like Ian Somerhalder. Otherwise, when Ian shows up, you will be out of practice being fabulous.

The truth is, you must prepare to be disappointed on many of your first dates. Dating is a numbers game. And this is due in part to the fact that most people are dishonest on dating sites. A recent study by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Cornell University found that 80 percent of online daters lie about their height, weight or age.

Right now, 44 percent of adult Americans are single, according to U.S. Census figures. That equates to more than 100 million unattached people. And according to Match.com, 40 million Americans use online dating services, which is 40 percent of the singles. So that means there are plenty of opportunities for first dates.

With that in mind, here are tips from the dating experts on what to do on a first date, as well as what not to do:

1. Give a warm welcome. If you've already communicated with someone and are meeting him or her in person for the first time, greet him or her with a friendly hug. Don't give a guy the full court press, but avoid that awful, “Do we hug? Do we shake hands?” situation and just give the guy a quick hug. The hug will let him know that you're confident and open, plus it will make him feel important.
2. Look your best and dress to impress. Even if this is your 100th first date, you need to take it seriously. And that means leaving the sweats, sneakers and flip-flops at home. No matter your age, wearing stylish clothing and showing that you cared enough to dress up will leave your date feeling special and it will make you feel more confident. And confidence is sexy.
3. No more of the fake reach for your purse. Offer to contribute to the bill and mean it. Most men will reject the offer if they're interested in a second date. If he insists on paying the check, sincerely thank him. Gestures of appreciation will earn you points with your date.
4. Don't worry about whether or not he likes you, decide if you like him. Too often, we spend dates consumed by thoughts like, “Does he like me?” and “Do I look okay?” Remember, you are the chooser. Relax and focus on what you like about him and whether or not you'd like to see him again.
5. Do not spend the evening sizing up your date and wondering things like, “What if our kids got his teeth?” “Will my father like him?” “Could I be with him forever?” How the heck can you figure out if you can be with someone forever in as much time as it takes to eat a plate of pasta? For once, do not think big picture. Just focus on how it feels. Are you comfortable talking with this person? How does he make you feel? Does he make you laugh? Just focus on tonight.
6. Don't interrogate your date. Don’t ask big, intimidating questions. Things like, “How much debt do you have?” and “How many children do you want?” are not casual conversation. And you will never see your date again if you ask him, “Is there an age you'd like to be married by?” and “How much money did you make last year?”
7. Be yourself. Let the person you're with know you have likes and dislikes. Nobody wants to date someone who always says, “Whatever you want.” When he asks if you prefer to sit at the bar or a table, pick one. When he asks what you'd like to drink, don't choose what he wants. Choose what you want.
8. Don’t tell too much personal information on a first date. A good rule of thumb is to only tell one big thing per date. You can tell that you’re divorced, for instance, on your first date, but wait until the second date to tell another big piece of information, and so on.
9. Be polite. Being polite doesn't apply to just your date. Be polite to everyone you interact with. Greet the hostess with a “Hello!” and a smile. Thank her for seating you. Be kind and polite to your servers.
10. Know your own worth. Approaching a date as though you're competing for a man is downright detrimental to dating success. Being too eager to please sends the message that you're not much of a catch. On the flip side, approaching him as though he's auditioning for you is also not going to garner you too many points.
11. Stay upbeat, resist negativity, and look to end the date while it is going well. Avoid negativity around any subject. Similarly, beware of sarcasm - it is negativity veiled in humor. Remember happiness is a universally appealing attribute, so put your best positive foot forward, and let him know you are having a good time (if you are). Finally look for ways to end the date in control and on top. As the date is nearing a close, look to tell him how much you enjoyed his company, what you might like to do again, and thank him for the date. As long as you tell him that you really enjoyed yourself, don't be afraid to end the date sending the message that if he wants to see you again he needs to ask you out again. If a man is interested in a woman, he will ask her out. It's the universal man rule.

So, take this advice in hand, and ace that first date. And the second. Most importantly – have fun on your dates. Even if it’s not a love match, you can at least enjoy getting to know someone new for an hour or two. Everyone has something interesting about them. Make it your job to find that something and you’ll suddenly discover that everyone wants a second date with you.

Sources: Suzanne Casamento, founder of Fantasy Dating; Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar and editor-in-chief for Preston Bailey Designs; Marcia King-Gamble, romance writer and frequent contributor to Digital Romance Inc.; Alicia H. Clark, Washington, D.C.-based licensed psychologist; Stef Safran, owner of Chicago-based matchmaking service Stef and the City; Christan M., founder of And That's Why You're Single.

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