What To Do When He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend
It’s a common complaint – you’ve been dating a guy and going out regularly, meeting his friends, doing all the things that people in relationships do, yet he won’t call you his girlfriend. Women wonder what this means, and what they should do differently, if anything at all.
It could mean a variety of things, but it also indicates that communication is poor between you and the man you’re dating if you want to ask something, but won’t. The path to a healthy, successful relationship is being able to talk about things, and being able to bring up issues that concern you. If you can’t do this with the man you’re dating, then you need to take a serious look at your relationship and figure out why you can’t talk to him. Is it him, or is it you?
A bevy of dating experts shared their thoughts on what to do when he won’t call you his girlfriend.
Giving the male perspective as to why this happens is Jason Weberman, CPCC, certified dating and relationship expert. First, he said, is to consider how long you’ve been dating. If it’s only been a couple of weeks, then it’s too soon to expect a commitment.
For those who have been dating for longer than that, it’s time to look at the situation. Weberman said, “If you want the status of 'girlfriend' and the man you are dating will not call you by your preferred title then you need to take a good look at your relationship. If he is refusing to call you his girlfriend then you and he are on two different pages. Wanting to be called 'girlfriend' is about feeling secure. There's no security when there is a lacking in communication.”
Be honest with him. “Let him know how you feel about the relationship and ask him where he stands. This way you'll know for sure if he's even interested in being in an exclusive relationship. If not, then your choices are waiting to see if his feelings grow deeper or move onto your next option,” Weberman said.
Consider that you might be dating a commitment phobe. “If he's afraid of commitment, then the more you push the issue, the more distance you will create in the relationship. Men that are commitment phobes are always projects. My advice is to run away as fast as you can because these types of 'relationships' don't work out and can cause a lot of pain,” he said.
Lori Bizzoco, founder of CupidsPulse.com, said that she thinks it’s more about actions than a title. “Women put so much emphasis on what they are called and most of the time he is giving off all of the signs you need to know. Men don't think that deep or analyze titles the way we do. And the reverse is true too. If you have to wonder what your status is, that could be a red flag in and of itself.”
If you find yourself dating someone who isn’t calling you his girlfriend, Bizzoco has a few pointers to help you win his heart while protecting your own:
- Match Your Availability: Only make yourself as available and committed as he is for you. You don't want to look desperate or be left hanging when he has other plans. Focus on having fun and being yourself.
- Broaden Your Horizons: Since you're not in an exclusive relationship, you have the opportunity to see what other guys are out there. Dating someone else may be just the push he needs to take your love to the next level, or it may help you realize that you're better off without him.
- Share Your Feelings: The importance of communication cannot be overstressed. If you're ready to be someone's girlfriend, simply talk to him. Before you approach the subject, be sure to think through your thoughts and know exactly what you want to say. Don't badger him either, bring it up once, and even if you don't get the answer you want, move on. No matter what, know what you deserve and don't settle for anything less.
What it comes down to, if a man won’t call you his girlfriend, then there’s a problem.
Karen Sherman, Ph.D., psychologist, author, internet expert, professor and radio host, said it’s clear cut to her that, “If you've been together for a while and he still won't call you girlfriend it's a red flag and probably either means that he has a commitment problem or he's just not into you.”
Barbara Neitlich, Beverly Hills, Calif. psychotherapist, concurs. “If a guy won't call you his girlfriend and you have been dating more than three months (exclusively) then it is time to move on and find someone who will. If a guy is seriously interested in dating you, then he will call you his girlfriend. If he is not seriously interested in dating you, most likely, he won't call you his girlfriend because whether it is to other people or just to himself he wants to keep the door open for other opportunities.”
Whatever the reason, if a guy isn't calling you his girlfriend, talk to him and find out why. And if he wants you to be his girlfriend. If there's bad news, it's always better to know sooner rather than later.